


and the terror and the horror (and we wonder why we bother)

by Sharpworksamurai



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Death, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 22:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18397928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharpworksamurai/pseuds/Sharpworksamurai
Summary: The child opened his eyes, blinking lethargically and God gasped as her world stopped turning around her, within that moment.Enchanting green eyes gazed at her, a swirl of liquid amber and a tangent green. She remembered the humans before, free and innocent- wandering grand forests as exploration. She heard quiet laughters and hushed lullabies leaking their mouths, as they soothed their loved ones fears. She smelt food and could taste the sweetness of love and protection and safety and-Yes, she thought, reaching down, he must be important.Or , God and Klaus throughout the years.





	and the terror and the horror (and we wonder why we bother)

 

  * **_kinder und sterne küssen und verlieren sich_**



 

 

When a young woman, somewhere in Europe, started screaming in utter agony as a child pushed itself out of her, God didn’t blink. She remembered this as a plan; what it was aiming for she did not know. She had been asleep for so long, in a restful slumber as wars and famine and the utter corruption of humanity happened on her Earth.

 

(She tried to ignore that piece of guilt that chipped at her, as she eyed the gates of Heaven and Hell that was starting to populate too much and too fast.)

 

The woman had died- her body too weak already and unprepared for such trauma. The child had seemingly lived, small and petite, fragile ribs heaving in air. Then, as the child whimpered at last as the family of the woman grieved, God felt the child’s aura dissipating.

 

The rib cage stilled but no doctor took notice, too busy trying to comprehend this strange phenomenon.

 

In her little comfort of a wild yet beautiful jungle, a baby faded in front of her, sniffling quietly. God stilled her bike, the grey light casting an equally grey light onto her skin. She leant down, peering at the baby. Anxiety brew in her as she wondered what was happening on her earth, cursing at her own slumber and-

 

The child opened his eyes, blinking lethargically and God gasped as her world stopped turning around her, within that moment.

 

Enchanting green eyes gazed at her, a swirl of liquid amber and a tangent green. She remembered the humans before, free and innocent- wandering grand forests as exploration. She heard quiet laughters and hushed lullabies leaking their mouths, as they soothed their loved ones fears. She smelt food and could taste the sweetness of love and protection and safety and-

 

Yes, she thought, reaching down, he must be important.

 

Within this monochrome jungle of overgrown leaves and narrowing pathways, the baby with eyes so colourful, was resuscitated back on earth.

  


  1. **_greifen leise meine hand und führen mich_**



 

God frowned as she watched the baby with beautiful eyes. He was stumbling, scrambling back from people only she and him saw. She heard his family's jeers and the father’s harsh words, and she couldn’t help but feel a tang of pity. He was a defect, but different from the other six that the father had herded like cattle.  He wasn’t supposed to have Sight- at least not to this extent. He wasn’t supposed to feel the spirits fears, he wasn’t supposed to be subjected the screaming and the eerie grief and the sickening cries for help-

 

She felt a sick regret overcome her as she remembered  the child, being only four, when he saw the first mangled corpse, with a deep red splattering across its face as the organs spilled out.

 

God shook herself out of her thoughts. The father had ordered the other children away after a training session, focusing his laser attention on the green eyed boy. He glared at the child, body tense as a violent anger choked his throat.

 

He heaved, “What was that terrible performance, number Four? One is performing so perfectly well and even though, Six is timid, his success compromises for it.” He frowned, cane tapping against the cold floor as the child peered at him with confused eyes, too young to understand such big words.The boy flinched.

 

“T-The ghosts-”

 

The mention of his powers made the father’s face turn red in fury. “You were blessed with an amazing power! You-” His father’s berating seemed to turn to static as the boy stared at the gaunt corpse that had been following him all day. Water poured out of her mouth as she choked out strangled wails from her blue lips.

 

God watched as the father noticed this and raised a heavy hand, striking the child across the face, fast like a snake attacking. The boy collapsed, tears spilling from his eyes. The father yelled out a curse, and as he left he muttered about how the boy was a disappointment and a burden and-

 

What the father had failed to notice was the fact that as the child fell, he had smacked his head against the corner of a chair. His eyes rolled back as he took his last breath, a smear of chunky blood staining the chair as he slid down. God blinked- and there he was again in front of her.

 

Closer now, God noticed how spindly his body was, skinny in a way that made her flinch and eyebags so dark. His face was gaunt, tiny lips chapped and bitten. He was dressed in a ridiculously formal uniform, better suited for a young man and not a seven year old child. The child’s hands shook as he gazed around the forest in utter awe.

 

“Woah!” He exclaimed, taking a step forward on shaking ankles. He noticed God at the end of the path and made his way forward, waving. She paused, getting off her bike.

 

“Hello.” The boy smiled, big and it made the blood on the edge of his cheek stretch.

 

“Where am I?” he toed a leaf at the floor, before sitting down on a log. God set down her bike and sat as well.

 

“In a dream, I suppose.” She knew that the boy had bigger things ahead of him and that he didn't belong here, but she wanted to learn more about the colourful boy. From the few visions that came to her, she knew that the boy was struggling, a passive soul that was surrounded in a home full of death and decay.

 

“Oh,” his shoulders slumped, legs swinging, “That’s cool.” Quietness emerged once again, not a stifling loneliness but of a nice soothing kind. She glanced at him, and at the blood smeared across his neck.

 

“Does that hurt?”

 

The boy startled, looking at her before grinning, “Eh, not really. When I was awake, it hurt like hell!” He jumped up, swirling around before standing. He started laughing and God couldn’t help but feel a deep pity bite at her.

 

“Why do you let him hit you?”

 

He paused, finger poking his cheek before saying quietly, “I could fight back, but I know that One will beat me up for it. Dad.. Dad is dad. He wants the best for us.” An unspoken _even if he hits us_ was there.

 

He shrugged again, a strange tension present, “The ghosties make it hard sometimes b-but I can’t do anything about it. I really wanna make friends with them ‘cus dad doesn’t let us out, but all they do is scream! And cry!” The boy threw his hands up, turning around so God wouldn’t see his teary eyes.

 

“A-and when they cry, it makes me cry. And when I cry, Dad shouts at me.” Wiping his tears furiously, he turned to her again before giving her a big smile.

 

“But! Mom says we’re gonna be heroes soon so I can’t wait!”

 

God hummed, eyeing his red eyes. Despite his cheery nature, she felt that it was a facade. Internally, she knew he felt a tornado of anxiety and stress.

 

The child sat down next to her again sticking out a hand and exclaiming,  “Let’s be friends! I’m Four-”

 

She felt a presence within her, and the world around her shifted, swirling in a tornado of greys and dark sunlight.

 

The boy flinched and God said, “You need to wake up now.”

 

He gave her a shaky smile, waving hurriedly in a show of kindness and exclaimed, “I hope I see you again!”

 

God watched his form fade slowly, eyes turning sombre. The boy was losing his innocence, from each mangled corpse, each beration from his father and each disappointed look from his siblings. It was starting to turn his soul into a hazy colour, hope dripping out of him of what could’ve been a normal life.

 

 _Maybe_ , she thought, _it would be better if he was stayed here._

  


  1. **_d_** ** _ie traumgötter brachten mich in eine landschaft_**



 

Four was growing up, God noted distantly. As a young teen, he became a lot more interested in feminine clothing and makeup and his personality became more and more animated, as he defied the strict coldness in that house. She saw him often in long, flowy skirts and such curled lashes- secretly, private in the loneliness of his room.

 

_(As lonely as you can get when corpses sob at the end of your bed)_

 

He felt abnormal in the house where traditional roles were inflicted and expression was stifled with bloody wounds from training and punishments from their father.

 

She shook herself out of her thoughts when she saw Four wander the halls in heels at night, a startling red against his pale and bruised ankles. Despite the obvious wobble, Four grinned and gave out a quiet laugh, feeling so much more like himself. As he made his way down the stairs, hands clenching on the banister, she knew what would come but still couldn’t hold back her flinch as he tumbled down. His bones creaked as he smacked against each step, muffled screams leaking.

 

Finally, his neck was broken and when he reached the foot of the staircase, he was dead.

 

God sighed, leaning back. She sensed a pattern now, she mused, watching Four appear in front of her.His neck was bent at a painful angle but that didn’t stop him from looking around, until his eyes settled on her.

 

“Hey!” he yelled, jogging over, “I recognise you!” God smiled at him, close lipped yet still oddly affectionate.

 

Four started laughing,easy and from this close up, God saw the smeared mascara and hurriedly washed away remains of purple eyeshadow.

 

“How are you, Four?” The boy startled, not expecting this sudden conversation on her part.

“Me?” he pointed to himself , almost mockingly, “I’m okay, I guess.”

 

God hummed before asking very bluntly, “Are you happy?”. Four seemed to flinch harder, he tried to plaster on a smile but when it fell, his shoulders slumped and he sat on the forest floor heavily.

 

“I think, “he paused, “I think I’m not normal,” he let out a laugh, “as if seeing ghosts in a superhero family is.” God sat down next to him, staring forward.

 

“Ben says I shouldn't steal makeup from Allison.. But, but! It’s so fun, and it’s so pretty and..” Four stopped again before swallowing, “I like it.”

 

He let out a miserable laugh, whispering, “I like it, I like how it feels on me, and how it makes me look but I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong.” Four leaned against God’s shoulder, causing her to stiffen momentarily before she relaxed.

 

“Diego is so cool! And Luther, he’s so strong. They’re so badass, I feel like they can snap me in half. Ben is kinda shy but when you get to know him, he’s actually really sassy and-” She felt water drip onto her white dress, “And all I can do is prance around in makeup and Mom’s dresses like a _fucking_ idiot.”

 

God flinched, not expecting that utter self-hatred. She looked at him, and when he looked away,embarrassed at his moment of weakness she said, “I think that Four is Four. If Four likes girly things then he should feel comfortable doing it.” She shrugged, getting a laugh from Four when it jostled him.

 

“Hmm, I guess.”

 

God smiled at him, the world dimming around him, “Don’t think about them. What are they going to do?” Four let out a laugh.

 

She glanced at the liquid tress, murmuring, “it’s time to go now.”

 

Four hummed, beaming at her, green eyes crinkling as he hurriedly said, “By the way,” his form started to fade, “my name is Klaus now!”

 

Alone once again, she pondered his new name and thought that it suited him and his exuberant personality well.

  
  


  1. **_schmetterlinge flatterten durch meine seele_**



 

Klaus became addicted to poison, as he grew up. He would steal, and manipulate and sell himself for tiny pills and God wondered, _how much pain are you in?_ So, when he died of an overdose of heroin and came in front of her, with bruised knees and so utterly wrecked, God wasn't surprised.

 

Klaus, on the other hand, was furious. He marched towards her, branches cracking under his fierce stomps and God felt the trees tense, ready to protect her.

 

She soothed them and as he glared at her, with smudged eyes and trembling mouths, she wanted to pity him.

 

They stood still for a minute before he barked out, “Why the fuck did you never tell me?” She blinked.

 

He carried on, “You’re God or something,right? You could’ve taken me away, you could’ve made dear old daddy stop beating me in every inch of my life and the fucking missions, and the fucking ghosts and-” Klaus paused, eyes welling, “Why didn’t you?”

 

God pondered for abit, asking herself the same question. She wasn’t in a slumber like she was before, nor was she as childish anymore so why didn’t she? She watched Klaus grow up to be tainted, with a defiled body and an addicted mind, yet never once did she intervene.

 

Finally, she shrugged. God started walking, dragging her small bike with her. Klaus huffed hurrying after her, barricading her way with his long limbs.

 

“Fine.” Klaus said, “Don’t care about me, I don’t deserve your majesty’s attention anyway.” he let out a sneer.

 

“But at least help Ben.” God blinked slowly, trying to remember who this Ben ways. Oh- the ghost boy who died at young age. He was Klaus’ brother and they were pretty close from what she could tell.

 

“What?”

 

“Help him move on or something!” Klaus exclaimed, annoyed, “He..he doesn’t deserve to stay, he deserves to be here! In heaven!” He looked around, before pausing when seeing the ashen trees and the desolate atmosphere, “Maybe not here, but you know what I mean!”

 

God contemplated this. This boy had died young, gruesome yet he still helped his addicted brother. The only reason why he was there was to help his brother- or atleast, try to live out a life he would’ve had if he could still breathe. Ben was mostly sane- he didn’t wail, or curse nor did his death present itself onto his form.

 

“He,” God finally settled on, “is important.” Klaus groaned, hands fisted in his hair as he tried to stop his frustrated tears.

 

“Please!” God moved around him and carried on cycling, slow as the sky above rattled with electricity and the wind started to sound like a paramedic’s voice.

 

_“Come back!”_

_“Help us! Help him!”_

_“Help me!”_

 

God knew that he was back now, but she could still smell his feminine and probably stolen perfume. She wondered if this was what it was like to be Klaus and to have a tormented soul beg for help.

 

She willed her eyes close, exhaustion creeping in.

  


  1. **_in der mitternacht._**



  


God woke up, and panic settled in her as she tried to realise how much time had passed. Time, time,time so fickle to her, but to her Earth, it was so significant. She scrambled up, pushing away the branches and vines that were starting to grow on her. Breathing, she calmed herself down and hefted her bike up. Her council would've sorted any problems out and the Commision would’ve kept the timeline in tact.

 

She reassured herself, and continued her trek through the forest, trying to find any lost spirits and any company.

 

God tried to think of Earth, but all she heard was loud music, and drugged laughs and vivid colours that imprinted on the back of her eyelids. She flinched at the sound of helicopters and bullets, and screaming, and crying, and begging for a medic-

 

When she opened her eyes, Klaus was in front of her.

 

She held back a curse, angry at her own responsibility again. He looked so exhausted, body monochrome yet the t shirt blared with colour. Eyebags and tired teartracks marked his face, cheekbones so thin, it made him look like a gaunt corpse. His usually bright eyes were dim, hopeless and lethargic, but when they settled on her, they sparked with recognition.

 

Klaus made his way to her, knees creaking as he bent down.

“Hey” He said. It was so different to his usual enthusiasm and to his previous anger. He seemed so dissociated.

 

“Nice to meet you again.” God nodded, shooting him a tired smile. They started to walk together again, in companionable silence as they absorbed the birds chirping and the muffling crunches of the leaves they stood on. The wind offered a nice breeze, making her long hair ruffle abit, and Klaus hummed as he slowed down. God carried on walking, knowing that he would catch up sooner or later.

 

“I can stay right?”

 

God jolted from her thoughts, his defeated voice jarring against the sweetness in the air. She turned around to face him and stiffened when she saw his eyes- wide, pupils pinpricks, almost weary. In all fairness, Klaus had died so many times- he should have a right in limbo, on the way to his afterlife. Each death, each torment, each time he’d been spat on my his misfortune should’ve accumulated to God allowing him. She pitied him but something, in her gut or in her heart, demanded that he still had work left to fo. He would aspire to be great- or atleast revolutionary to the timeline. She felt guilty; the Commision was probably working hard to ensure the timeline stayed in tact, and here she was encouraging change. After he deep slumber, this manifestation of emotion seemed so draining and pathetic of an omnipresence like her.  

 

Klaus was watching her, shoulders slumped. “Please, I can’t- I can’t go back. I,” he took a shuddering breath, “I want Dave.”

 

Dave.

 

_Bullets and helicopters and the screams for a medic, medic, medic-_

 

God reeled back again, her turmoil only growing in size. Then,she felt another presence within her, pulling her to a shed far away from her sight.

 

Looking at him, God said, “Go. He’s waiting for you.” Klaus beamed, an easy laugh escaping his previously quivering lips as he ran across the dead crops. Jumping over crumbling logs, Klaus seemed so carefree, shouting about a Dave and how happy he was to see him and how he was finally here-

 

_Dave, stay with me._

 

_Medic!_

 

_I need a medic!_

_Dave!_

 

When Klaus’ visions of mud smeared tears and bloodied briefcases left her mind, God felt numb. Her heart thundered in her chest, wondering if she was doing the right thing.

 

She heard the presence talk in a cold voice about Klaus being a burden, about how he was too deformed, too wrong to fix the world. He was useless for not using his powers. God saw dry tears mark Klaus’ skin, long eyelashes wet as they mourned for a love he could never get.

 

_We were just kids._

 

The sky above, usually a warm grey, turned to an icy black, hails of evil rain tainting her skin. God gasped, falling to her knees as Klaus started wailing, so loud and melancholic from the tinny shed, as he started to resuscitate.

 

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

 

“I wish I was dead! Dead! _Dead!_ ”

 

His hysterical cries finally faded from her ringing ears, but the guilt set in her skin, permanent like Klaus’ “goodbye” tattoo.

  


  1. **_in der mitternacht._**



 

God watched Klaus and his broken family try to dissuade Vanya, another mistake, from destroying her creation. She watched as Klaus clutched his dog tags in hope of finally seeing his love after realising that there would be no avoiding doomsday. She watched as the small one- the one who made the timeline horrible distorted- offer an alternative to getting burnt to a crisp. She watched as they held hands, a blue light enveloping them. They screamed in pain as their cells slowly reverted back in time, but when she blinked, they were gone.

 

Her Earth was gone. Her creations were destroyed- from the tiny insects that crawled on the earth to the big skyscrapers that scratched the stars.

 

She paused, wondering if she should follow Klaus into the new world. A world where they would fix everything and Vanya would be able to control her powers, and Five wasn’t so mentally unstable, and Luther wasn’t so foreign in his own body and where Allison’s throat wasn’t as torn apart as her family.

 

A world where Ben was alive, and Klaus was happy.

 

She pondered on it for a minute, thinking about Klaus’s Dave and their pure love. With smiles so calm in a place full of destruction and chaos, with kisses so gentle amongst corpses still in the mud, with a love so passionate, despite the ruthless society. 

 

Finally, reaching a decision, the trees around her baid her goodbye as the clouds twisted and twirled into hurricane. She left her miserable cage, promising to protect Klaus and to free him from his own.

  


**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for reading. hope this wsn't offensive or anything(if it was tell me and ill edit it/take it down ) 
> 
> the german stuff is from a song called i come with knives. its hella rad. 
> 
> thxx


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